My sinkhole

I'm sad today and it pisses me off that the reason why I'm sad is defeats the purpose of me being almost 20. Ok, "almost", so there's still some slack somewhere in my pathetic world.

I've always had this perennial feeling at the back of my head that my parents don't me take me seriously. No matter how hard I try to assert myself, no matter how hard I try to tell them what I want to do and to be, I'm not sure they really care. By "really care", I mean that I would expect at least a hint of concern on their faces, but I don't.

This won't be a post about the story of my life. What I'm just trying to say is that it's one thing to offer me material support, and it's another to offer me emotional support. I can't believe it's happening again. Yeah, this isn't the first time I felt it. The first time this happened was during my second year. I think that period was more toxic. I even wrote my mom a letter explaining what I felt. And......I don't think I would be writing this if she took my letter seriously. I mean, I told her that what I needed were parents who supported me in what I want to do. I need parents who show just how concerned they are when I'm not ok. It's kind of shady whether they even know I'm angry at them in the first place because right now they're glued in front of the television.

Just this afternoon I watched Eclipse with my friends (Yeah we just watched it today), and the graduation scene where Jessica gave her valedictory speech was sad because she talked about parents asking their children what they want to be when they grow up. Shit, I was never even asked that question seriously.

It pisses me off that I'm being whiny about this but I guess this is the bitch of being an only child. At the end of the day you don't have any support at home. Not your friends, not even your parents.

I want out of this. I want to leave this sinkhole and never come back. There are too many rotten things reeking already.

Jam's birthday

I have been neglectful of my blogging duties lately. Actually there are a lot of things I could blog about right now, but I would prefer to use this time to dedicate this post to my best friend, Jam, who turned 20 today. :)









She also has a birthday blog!!!!! <--- click this

I made it to day 30!

What started out as a pathetic attempt to use youtube to find a good and easy exercise routine turned out to be one of the best commitments I have ever done in my entire life. Believe me when I say there are a LOT of fitness videos on youtube, and I've tried a handful already. But the exercise videos I found from VibrantVegan were different. The premise is that people do crunches to desperately lose inches off their waist, but the people from VibrantVegan say that crunches aren't really effective if you don't exercise your core muscles. So the contend that an exercise routine that incorporates moves to work the whole core could yield better results. The catch is that you should commit 30 days to doing the exercise. And believe me when I say the exercises are challenging and extremely taxing.

And I just finished my 30 day workout a few days ago!

I'm proud of myself because this is probably the only time I was dedicated to a routine that long. I started out with their basic exercise routine, and it became progressively challenging every 5 days, with harder variations. But I actually skipped around two days during the whole thing, so those days didn't count.

So did I lose a lot of weight? No, but I felt myself becoming stronger. Honestly I didn't watch my diet so much, so probably that had something to do with it. But I really wouldn't count on this as the end though. I'm practically inspired to make this a year long process, with minor alterations. At least now I know I can last this long without flaking. Now that's an achievement.