I'm sad today and it pisses me off that the reason why I'm sad is defeats the purpose of me being almost 20. Ok, "almost", so there's still some slack somewhere in my pathetic world.
I've always had this perennial feeling at the back of my head that my parents don't me take me seriously. No matter how hard I try to assert myself, no matter how hard I try to tell them what I want to do and to be, I'm not sure they really care. By "really care", I mean that I would expect at least a hint of concern on their faces, but I don't.
This won't be a post about the story of my life. What I'm just trying to say is that it's one thing to offer me material support, and it's another to offer me emotional support. I can't believe it's happening again. Yeah, this isn't the first time I felt it. The first time this happened was during my second year. I think that period was more toxic. I even wrote my mom a letter explaining what I felt. And......I don't think I would be writing this if she took my letter seriously. I mean, I told her that what I needed were parents who supported me in what I want to do. I need parents who show just how concerned they are when I'm not ok. It's kind of shady whether they even know I'm angry at them in the first place because right now they're glued in front of the television.
Just this afternoon I watched Eclipse with my friends (Yeah we just watched it today), and the graduation scene where Jessica gave her valedictory speech was sad because she talked about parents asking their children what they want to be when they grow up. Shit, I was never even asked that question seriously.
It pisses me off that I'm being whiny about this but I guess this is the bitch of being an only child. At the end of the day you don't have any support at home. Not your friends, not even your parents.
I want out of this. I want to leave this sinkhole and never come back. There are too many rotten things reeking already.