Monday, May 01, 2006

Behind the glass tank

5:00 pm
I stare absentmindedly at the colored stones haphazardly sprawled on top of a bed of pebbles. I formulate theories as to why the plants are turning brown. But what concerns me the most is why the fishes prefer to hide in the teeny castle we bought them. As soon as they see me (or any person for that matter) approaching, they swim to the back of the castle. I feel their fear
Yeah, these are the fishes I have been waiting to reveal to the world. But sadly, if they don't want to reveal themselves to me, I thought it wouldn't be right to show them to you. These are the fishes that my grandmother fell in love with as soon as we went inside the pet shop. While there, I gaze in awe in their spectacular colors, beautiful sheen and cute, literally smiling faces. As soon as I saw these parrotfishes, I thought they were the perfect fishes for us.
And as soon as we got them ( cute!) and brought them home and into their new home...they scurried off in fear. It was the first time I saw fishes behave that way. It was weird. Hopefully, as my grandmother would say, they would "socialize" more after a few days.
But, as I sat there, staring at the glass tank, Images from Finding Nemo registered in my mind. The scene where Nemo is in his new aquarium, afraid and alone with his new fish friends. It intrigued me the way they would actually carry on a dialogue inside the aquarium. Which brings me back to my fishes. With my imagination, I create dialogues as I watch them "communicate". I feel this bittersweet feeling everytime I do that. I guess, It feels good to use my imagination and "see" my fishes talk, but sometimes, I can't help but create dialogues of fear, anxiety and anger with my fishes...because that is how I think they really feel. Are they actually going crazy?
These are the times where I wish I was Eliza Thornberry and possess the uncanny ability to talk to animals. I could ask them what's wrong, why are they scared and possibly tell them there is nothing to fear. But I can't.
I'm helpless. All I can do is watch them like a spectator watches a play. That's all I am right now...a spectator. I can only watch them bite each other (yes, they fight and they are aggressive) and not do anything about it. I just wait for a happy ending or a new beginning. I just sit there, and stare...hoping...but not doing...waiting for the time when they would finally eat the fish food I give them right infront of me...and possibly..I'll finally be able to feign a remark of thanks.


claude said...

ibang klase yung entry... very imaginative , beautifully written...

cowwuvsclaude said...

thanks..i dont know..parang when i started typing..i just couldnt muse loves me today!