living my neverland

I let myself be driven by worldly things. Call me materialistic, but there is no day that I don't turn on my pc, check out my friendster and open my blog. I'm sure people out there can relate. But, there are those times that I just feel lost to the world. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to feel, in short, manhid (numb). Today, is one of those times.

Yes, it is in fact summer. I have the whole day to plan my *what- to- do- for- the- rest- of- the- day- and- maybe- perhaps- my- whole- summer* list. Yes, I have the whole day for the rest of the summer to do this. But, of course, being the manhid that I am, I chose not to do that today.

Instead, I will devote my life (well, the day) to create...my own world. Today, I want to be indifferent to the world. I lie down in my cozy shell of a room, watch t.v., and then do nothing that concerns them. I want to be inside a jar right now. A jar where I don't want to grow up, a jar where I can keep all of my memories preserved, my thoughts forever glued and everything just falls into place. Call it my neverland. (note: I DON'T WANT TO WATCH OVER MY COUSIN AND HIS FRIENDS PLAYING DOWNSTAIRS DAMN IT!)

Well, my game plan is set. I'll detach myself from the rest of the world and lock myself up in this jar where I won't worry about chores, food, and those other worldly needs.

*My definition of my world is simply me, alone in my room, the t.v. open, the computer turned on, books lying askew and the feeling of not caring prevails.*

...my neverland awaits...

...hindi ko alam kung ano ang itatak ko rito.....

Walang humpay ang pag-iisip ko sayo. Halos hindi matigil ang araw na hindi kita iniisip. Pagod ka na ba sa pagtakbo sa aking utak? (*corny*).

Ngunit, totoo, akala ko hanggang doon lang ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo. Ngunit, nang dumaan ang mga araw, buwan, at siyempre, mga tala, ang aking puso ay nagmistulang time bomb, na handang sumabog, sa kakaisip sa iyo. hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Sasabihin ko ba sayo? O itatago ko nalang ito sa napakaliblib na lugar sa aking puso?

Ikaw. Alam mo, hindi ko alam kung paano kita abutin. Siyempre, nakapiling na kita, ngunit, ang sinasabi kong "abutin" ay talagang ibang level na. Siyempre, hindi mo alam na may gusto ako sa iyo, pero siguro naman ay hindi mo rin mahalata na ikaw na ang binabanggit ko dito sa post na ito. At heto na, ...may gusto ako sa iyo....:)

Ok lang ba? hindi mo maaring sagutin yan kasi sa lahat ng mga babae na babasa nito, paano mo alam na ikaw ang tinuturo ko? Yan ang kagandahan ng isang blog. :)

Siguro naman, nahalata ko na may gusto kang iba. Yan na nga, PAANO KITA ABUTIN NGAYON? Minsan, iniisip ko, ikaw si Darna. Mahal ng lahat, kaya heto, kaagaw ko ang buong mundo.

Hindi pala...kaagaw ko lang SIYA.

Paano yan ngayon? Sa blog ko nalang idadaan ito. Kahit sulyap lang nga..pwede ba?

*awit na nananawagan, baka sakaling mapakikinggan*

mahal kita....mahal kita....mahal kita......

nakatutok ang tenga sa: video ng kamikazee...ano pa ba eh di Narda

...LIFE IS MY BLANK CANVAS.... 

...Pictures during our outing.... 

hello...:) 

That little bitch called discontent

Sun sets...
*looking out to the horizon*
...of trees, cow shit, and more trees....
I can't see the sunset after all,
why? were in the middle of a mountain resort of pete's sake.

It's almost 5-ish..i think. I really don't know. I think my watch is busted, seeing as my philosophy of life never reminded me that you should never go swimming with your watch still attached to your soon-to-be wet skin. It was too late after all.

Then of course, silence. I watch in envy as my classmates (who, after all the swimming, resembled tomatoes) go out of the pool and eat, sing in tune in the local karaoke bar, and of course, play in the hot sun. That of course, is their life. I on the other hand, have completed my mission to swim, apply sunblock, swim, apply sunblock, swim, apply sunblock, stop swimming, apply even more sunblock.

I thought this was going to be a fun outing, with our dear moderator, laughter and so much giddy. But the absence of our moderator being with us in the pool (Instead he goes "consultation-y on us) made us, scratch that, made me feel bored. But don't get me wrong, the outing was fun, and uh, fun. Then again, I sit there, wondering why I chose not to be with my classmates.

*wondering mode*

*light bulb!*

Then, I realized, I'm not happy. Why? Even I don't know. But I have a hunch...could it be that my summer plans have something to do with it? Probably.

*thinks for a moment*

I think that since I have a lot of things to do this summer (things that I have never done...by the way, these are shallow things)..I guess I'm afraid to NOT do them and end up miserable. If you're innately chismoso or chismosa, you're probably wondering what are some of those things. Well, to keep you from wondering, it's about my weight. (a million shouts all over the world..S-H-A-L-L-O-W!) Yes, my weight keeps my morale and self-esteem low. But, I have seldom bothered about my weight as of now, and you can say that I have already learned to accept a person's individuality. But, you don't get it. As I gaze upon the pictures from my camera and see how..somewhat fat I am, it kinda makes me, annoyed? Actually, I'm not and will never be contented with how I look right now. That's why I plan to change my wheel of fortune this summer.

Yes, discontent is a bitch.

Patapos na ang lahat...heto pa rin ako

Patapos na ang lahat….

Heto pa rin ako….

Well, I’m kind of pissed off, seeing as the summer has officially started (for me, that is…) and I’m stuck here, doing my algebra problem set for Ma’am Ruth, my evaluation of the Noli for Ma’am Carmelotes, and off course, my IC form for Bro. and aside from that, I’m quite pissed and melancholic after I read my classmates post on her blog (whose name I will disclose). It kind of brought back memories I want to stay buried. That post reminded me that day when guilt gushed through my entire existence and shame slapped me hard on the ass. But, it’s over now (?). I’m okay, and of course calm *clenches fists* *breathes* *burps*.

After all that I’ve been through, I thought it was over. But alas, the bondage I have still keeps me trapped. Two days more to go, baby.

To keep myself preoccupied, I just going to think about the outing we’re going to have tomorrow!

*ring ring* went down for a second…answers the phone….my classmate tells me the problem set is due tomorrow…goes up again…writes this in Itallic…Crap.


Don't get me wrong...trigo isn't "that" hard *emphasis on THAT*

patapos na ang lahat...heto pa rin ako....

summer! summer! summer!

Isn’t it funny that you can quickly recall the first time you laid eyes on your new school? Or even the feeling of meeting up with your classmates after summer vacation? Then, in the blink of an eye, it’s all over. After answering the last item in the last exam on the last day of exam, you’re free! You could almost hear of sounds of summer calling you…a long vacation awaits you.

Then again, the next thing you’ll ask yourself is what you’ll do the summer. Bum around perhaps? Go on a diet, a diet which you have been promising yourself ever since you felt that your pants hate you? Well, my excuse is not the fact that my belly enlarged, but simply, my pants just shrunk. That aside, summer is a good two months and you can do a lot of things during that span. The vacation you have been pestering your parents to have will finally come true. The time to lounge around in your pajamas all day without worrying about anything can now be made. Sweet bliss.

Well, summer awaits me. And we’re about to go on the outing of the century tomorrow!

Just a thought, Isn’t it quite funny that come May, it’ll feel like everyday is a Sunday going on Monday? I shrug that thought as of the moment…and as of me, I’ll relish this summer. This the last summer of freedom I have before the threshold of senior year and college dawns on me…Time flies. Damn time.

My annual list of things to do this summer will once again be written. I just hope that I manage to do it all….(Hmm…lose weight perhaps?)