Well...I just got off the phone with my best friend. He asked me the meaning of "kubyerta" and "tabo". Before he said anything else, it registered in my mind. "Oh, your reading El Fili". Not that I have any qualms about summer reading...actually, I find it rewarding...but please...it's summer, and your reading El Fili. Because of that and other unimportant thingies that kept my mind racing today, it made me beg the question..."Where am I going with my life?".
I know, I can always ask God for that..or maybe even my free will, but still, where am I really going with my life? I know, I'm too young (at least I think I am), to think about that. *wait*...no I'm not, I'm going to be a senior this june and College is just around the corner. Perfect timing. And so, here I am indulging my minds request to let it all out. I still haven't figured out what to take in college...better yet, I don't know where I'll be studying! My life as of now is full of decisions I have to make soon. From choosing what bag am I going to bring to Cebu tomorrow to choosing the courses this world has to offer. With respect to the former and the latter, I still have no idea.
I'm going to make this one short. I often fantasize the "future" I might have..from being a doctor, to going abroad, to be filthy rich and all that chihuahua. But then...I also dream about my future if I made the wrong decisions. I dream of becoming a minimum wage worker, in the City Health office, with no car, with the assurance that my parent's money will keep me alive. I dream of the life I would live if I didn't take those risks, decisions and offers. In the end, I'm lying in my bed, stuck, motionless...and still asking those questions.
It's not as if people are already asking me to decide my future. It's just that...there wil be a time where I have to leave threshold of childhood and grasp maturity, one way or the other. If I have to survive this concrete jungle, it's either you eat or be eaten. Life is a one way street, when we make those real life decisions, there's no turning back. It's either you go forward...or you don't move at all.