Thursday, April 20, 2006

The One Way street

Well...I just got off the phone with my best friend. He asked me the meaning of "kubyerta" and "tabo". Before he said anything else, it registered in my mind. "Oh, your reading El Fili". Not that I have any qualms about summer reading...actually, I find it rewarding...but please...it's summer, and your reading El Fili. Because of that and other unimportant thingies that kept my mind racing today, it made me beg the question..."Where am I going with my life?".
I know, I can always ask God for that..or maybe even my free will, but still, where am I really going with my life? I know, I'm too young (at least I think I am), to think about that. *wait*...no I'm not, I'm going to be a senior this june and College is just around the corner. Perfect timing. And so, here I am indulging my minds request to let it all out. I still haven't figured out what to take in college...better yet, I don't know where I'll be studying! My life as of now is full of decisions I have to make soon. From choosing what bag am I going to bring to Cebu tomorrow to choosing the courses this world has to offer. With respect to the former and the latter, I still have no idea.
I'm going to make this one short. I often fantasize the "future" I might have..from being a doctor, to going abroad, to be filthy rich and all that chihuahua. But then...I also dream about my future if I made the wrong decisions. I dream of becoming a minimum wage worker, in the City Health office, with no car, with the assurance that my parent's money will keep me alive. I dream of the life I would live if I didn't take those risks, decisions and offers. In the end, I'm lying in my bed, stuck, motionless...and still asking those questions.
It's not as if people are already asking me to decide my future. It's just that...there wil be a time where I have to leave threshold of childhood and grasp maturity, one way or the other. If I have to survive this concrete jungle, it's either you eat or be eaten. Life is a one way street, when we make those real life decisions, there's no turning back. It's either you go forward...or you don't move at all.

9 comments:

thenaughtykidwholovesthisyummycow said...

very very nice entry...

i see you're blog's getting some exposure... and dwayne is a bitch.. ang sama niya... its not your responsibility to let her know .. well you told everyone in class once that you had a blog she probably wasn't listening...


im in the same case as you are... i have my sentiments with decisions too.. i can totally relate with this post... enjoy your vacation! love yah!


-tawa a.k.a davao hehe

twistedigest said...

hmmm...LOVE YAH! thanks, one moment..poof..an dami na tao sa tagboard. lol.

ie said...

if life is indeed a one way street, it still doesn't mean that it is a straight one. you can go on loops and still head at the same direction.

but before this metaphor gets messy, let me just say that life cannot be planned. and do not - i mean this - dream of a perfect life: a perfect education, a perfect course, a perfect job. that is where real failure starts.

instead, try to discover yourself and your personal definition of success along the way. do not be afraid to commit errors, to make the wrong decisions, deliberate or otherwise. they will teach you a lot of things, i swear.

remember that it is the detours and stopovers and the laughter amidst the bumpy ride - and not the smoothness or luxury of travel - that distingushes a trip from the rest.

and i'm sorry if this is a very long comment. na-carry away ako. :]

giselle said...

hi kuya g! hehe.

nice entry.

it also got me thinking eh. i wanna be a doctor rin. neuro-surgeon. naks. hehe.

ewan lang. what if maging katulad ako ng kuya ko? kasi...he took up bs bio in up. dun lang siya kumuha ng entrance exam kasi "confident" daw siya na papasa siya. after two years, he shifted courses and changed schools. he'll be graduating next school year, bs comsci in informatics. and he's happy.

wa. la lang. senti. haha.

usame said...

I'm have the same problem as you. Still I don't know what course to get and as time runs, I think about it a lot. There are many "what if" in my mind. For me college is scary but we need to get through it. T_T I just expect for the worst and hope for the best... Just go for whatever you like, love what you do, do your best and smile! ^o^

twistedigest said...

to nizoral: thanks..i appreciate it and yeah, you really make sense!

twistedigest said...

to giselle: hehe..i remember tawa mentioning that a long time ago. Anyway, yeah, siguro naman in reference to nizoral's comment, hindi totally planned ang buhay mo from thye start..and it's good that in the end, happy ang kuya mo. :)

twistedigest said...

to usame: nice words of wisdom..i'll try to keep that in mind! thanks. :)

dot_S said...

hmmm... during the summer of my junior year i didn't think 'bout those things yet, i was too preoccupied with somethings-i-can't-remember-but-at-that-time-seemed-more-important (t'was probably shopping, though i'm not quite sure..)

i have this dream where i become a world famous writer with a big house and a lexus but.. i also have this nightmare of failing where i end up as a copywriter (not writer... sad) for zamboanga times or zamboanga today...

i blame over population!!! there's just too many people and too little high paying jobs!!! *sigh*

have fun in cebu!