snap

there are a few reasons why i don't want to tell me friends my problems right about now:

1. they can't give me money to change schools. yes, this is yet again, another school related issue. it has something to do with the verb "shift" and the sound "ting".

2. they'll only give me the advice i gave them. yes, i have got to hand it to myself...i can be such a hypocrite. i give good advice, or should i say, advice that sounds well-phrased, practical, and thought of. but when it comes to my problems, whooooooshhhh and splaaattt!

3. they won't understand why i'm all dramatic about this. they would say their problems are worse than mine.

4. possible trite answers. i owe my friends a lot, but sometimes, "kaya mo yan" just doesn't cut it. as much as possible, i try to avoid saying "kaya mo yan" or something similar because that phrase just just just just doesn't work.


so i seriously won't appreciate anything remotely similar to the things i mentioned above. i'm frustrated. the midterms are a few days away and i haven't studied yet. i told myself i would study but instead i'm making an entry about how i don't want to study. i snapped just a few minutes ago. i can't take this crap anymore.

so much to do, so many things to memorize, and a med school teacher from the deepest, rat infested bowels of hell make my semester one big piece of dung.

screw "sayang", "you're doing so well", "this is just a phase", "you'll get through" and "tapusin mo nalang". i may not have the balls to scream that out loud, but give a few days or two and i might just do so. i don't like who i'm becoming.

therapy - not!

being oblivious to my every emotion, problem, feeling is their way of being therapeutic. i was down on the floor and they didn't ask me if i'm ok, they told me to get up. fucking wrong answer.


well fuck them,


i hate them right about now. i hate them. i hate them. i hate them. i hate them. i hate them. they should die.


i'm sorry, this isn't really a post. since i obviously have no one to talk to around here, i'm venting.

pancake and pasta sunday

i woke all nauseated and cranky. my mom just had to wake me up for mass...not that i'm complaining right now, it's just that i really really really don't want my sleep to be disturbed. especially on a sunday,

anyway, i'm not going to whine about that.


so after the 8:30 mass, the family went to have their usual brunch at jollibee. after a really long time and an obscenely gluttonous holiday, i found myself not in the mood to eat anything greasy. it usually follows that i have the urge to puke when i think about corned beef and french fries (they are really oily naman). so i asked my mom to order pancakes and i give her one of the two fritters. i don't eat them slaughed in batter in syrup and grossly enough, infront of me, my mom practically bathes the pancake in butter and syrup. haha



an hour ago, i finished making my third attempt at a pasta dish. the last two had sauces, while this one only had olive oil and seasoning. i was happy at how it turned out!
i used a pack of San Remo fettucine noodles, squid and sliced black olives. for the seasoning, i added 1 pack of McCormick Garlic and Herb sauce, paprika and dried thyme. everything was to taste. and i generously added extra virgin olive oil and i think it really brought the flavor of the squid out. though i wish i could have just used less of the McCormick stuff and more from our spice rack, my mom said it turned out just fine.

the good old days

sniff.
where have i been all this time?
summers with my grandpa going to golden bell.
hours just searching for that favorite comic strip.
my first "Laugh Digest"

i'm beginning to feel really tingly and sentimental right now.
a part of me just came back.

ZEN for 2009

i know i said this over and over and over again that i want a clean slate. i've been invoking the "clean slate" mantra so much over the past year that it should be included in Lake Superior University's list of banned words. so what i'm trying to do right now - something that i've never really understood last year - is to take myself seriously. i've realized that i may have big ambitions as well as attainable goals, but i never rise above everything because i can't focus, since there's so much going on in my head. so i'm going down the offbeat path to more familiar (hopefully friendlier) words in my vocabulary: acceptance, gratefulness and inner-peace.

yes Virginia, it may sound cheesy, but i'm beginning to feel good about 2009. that's not to say that this is my year...well, yeah! i want it to be my year! hahaha... i feel good about it because i know this would be the perfect time to detox and achieve the three big words mentioned. there's no plan B here! i'm going all zen and i'm not stopping!


these aren't really resolutions, but target goals (which makes the situation friendlier) . i've divided them according to aspect so at least i'll be doing myself a favor and be organized for once. :) see? i am going all zen!!!!


physical
commit to exercise routines
eat healthier so i'm thinking of getting stuff off yahoo food. haha

mental
commit to a more effective study schedule probably an hour of rest after i get home, then study. and on weekends, i have to seriously devote time to study - i haven't done this yet! haha
finish "Love in the time of cholera" by may. hahaha

financial
stick to a weekly budget - 100php a day!!! i'm serious!

emotional.
find more things to be grateful for
find more things to laugh about
calm down and keep the anxiety to a minimum those who really know me knoe what i'm talking about
stop regretting - regrets are mistakes you don't learn from!