Saturday, September 06, 2008

not as we

you know who you are

we haven't been together for too long to say we've been through eveything. a year doesn't even justify the decades people in love spend. but i know we weren't that in to each other. but that doesn't mean the year was meaningless. on the contrary, everything seemed so right with you around. that doesn't mean everything went so smoothly. it's just that, with you there, i have another reason to do the things i do.

travelling. that's what i've always loved to do. and in the course of a year, we've done so, in our make believe fields of hay and the mountains of snow. you kept a lot of things about me. you know my flaws, as i know yours. but we've lived in a mutual understanding of trust in those imperfections we shared - that it will bring us one step closer to that happy place were no one can say otherwise, where we can live free from any strings which keep us from doing what we want to do.

i wanted you to travel with me.

but it happened. a barrage of unfortunate events took place. from my end and from yours. i blame myself for abusing you, for treating you with care as tender as a sledgehammer. i blame myself for letting what we have fade away. nothing, nothing can ever make up for what i did - what you let me do. but who could blame you? you were defenseless.

and you just gave up on me. for that, the most i could do right now is say sorry. i'm sorry for losing you - forever.

i'm going to charge everything that has happened over the last few weeks to experience. i'm going to make things right, one way or the other. but i regret not having you here to see that.

you had the last laugh afterall. taking with you a part of me that i could never get back.

i hope that where ever you are right now, you're happy. i know we won't see each other again.

from me and i kneel as "not as we" plays in the background.

you're a bigger feeling than i am if you think i'm referring to a person. no, my laptop died on me, after a year of use. she's been silently battling corrosion for quite sometime now. it was too far along, nothing could be done. she's a bitch for taking away every college picture i have though. :(
"not as we" is Alanis' new song, which is all about going back to step one.

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