Today I asked myself something I never thought of before: How would I like people to remember me? I asked that because in a philosophical sort of way I would like to reflect on myself and how have I changed in the past four years...AND my yearbook pictorial is tomorrow and I've been spending the better part of the night thinking about what to wear for my "other" shots. So yeah, something good comes out of being vain.
I've been tossing around a few personas in my head, to see where I fit:
A nerd who knows stuff but lacks skills in the socialization department
an indie/eccentric photographer who can't wait to show off his photos
a one time editor-in-chief of the school's newsmagazine
a frustrated chef who vents on binge eating
a boy-next-door who is extremely inept when it comes to mixing and matching (and who turns to his friends to ask what looks good on him)
Jason Mraz meets the guy who knocked up Ellen Page in Juno meets John Mayer sans singing abilities (you get what I mean)....or maybe...
just another face in the crowd, sporting trademark apple earphones listening to whatever pretentious song is next on his play list
But after another failed attempt at matching a suit with a v-neck sweater did I realize one thing: I'm graduating and there's no turning back.
I can't undo the image I made myself in my four years in my school. Neither can I build myself up to be somebody I'm not because 1. there's no time left, 2. I think I'm old enough to know that being pretentious won't get me anywhere.
So what "college image" did I create for myself? More importantly, 10 years from now, how would I like to remember myself in college?
I know I wasn't cool, and I didn't hang out with the cool crowd, nor did I drink and smoke my Saturday nights away, nor did I spend it memorizing every textbook I can find.
But that's not really the point. Will a definite image of myself matter 10 even 20 years from now?
I think it's suffice to say that I really can't fit in a definite clique. It's not because I'm a rogue nor am I trying to be pretentiously "indie". Above any clique, I would remember myself like my blog. Actually come to think of it, the reason I named my blog as such was because I realized that expressing myself give me...what's the word? peace? contentment? a smile?
There's something in being "spontaneous, impromptu, deconstructed, and all the things in between" that appeals to me, not because it's like a shiny toy in can see from afar but it's something inside of me that can't be contained and properly defined.
I'm proud of myself that I didn't really try so hard to make people like me. As with the bulk of my early adolescent mistakes, I made that mistake in high school. But at least college gave me an opportunity to make things right.
So when the time comes for me to open my class of 2011 yearbook, 10 - 20 years from now, who will I see on the page that's supposed to bear my name?
I hope to see myself. No immature clique, no pretensions. Just myself...in all my timeless awesomeness.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
A photo 'fail' (maybe not)
Last Sunday my friends and I went on an expedition to the outskirts of La Paz. But to the tune of National Geographic, we got "lost" (car couldn't make it up the mountain) and we had to walk to get to the destination (up the slope). BUT, by some strange reason we didn't make it to wherever La Paz is because we trekked a mountainside instead. I'm not sure how I should describe it, basta yun na yun.
We didn't really have a specific purpose than to appreciate a great view of the sea and the city. BUT, that didn't happen because all we saw was goat manure and acres of grass, grass and more grass (I'm semi-exaggerating! haha).
Anyway, we just trekked in a circle because we didn't really know what to do. The spontaneity made the sweat and manure all worth it because I'm not really the outdoors-y adventurous type. And it was exhilarating because I don't get to do that with friends everyday. And.... I think I'll make a photo story of the trip instead of a lengthy post.
I wanted to post this to show some photos I took, and I'm not saying they're good. Actually there are a long of things wrong with my photos but since it's nice to show off the mistakes you make along the way...here it goes!
These shots were taken on our way home. We decided to stop by Caragasan to take pictures of, well, ourselves and the sunset...
...when Kids living nearby approached us and started showing off, since they saw me with a camera. I really really really have to work on composition and framing. And maybe I could experiment with angles more.
I'm a fan of jump shots and the kid's acrobatic skills are something I could never do in this lifetime. 0_0........anyway, back to the photo! Well, first off, maybe it's not a good idea to take photos in black and white. I could do that in the editing process later. I not a fan of the composition since the subjects aren't really the focus and there's too much going on in the background. And the angle I took the shot from doesn't help the photo.
Well I do have some nice pics I'll probably share tomorrow. This isn't really a photography FAIL since I know there's still a lot to learn. Whether or not I'll produce an epic shot one of these days, I'm still keeping my hands glued to my camera. Which I love. to death.
We didn't really have a specific purpose than to appreciate a great view of the sea and the city. BUT, that didn't happen because all we saw was goat manure and acres of grass, grass and more grass (I'm semi-exaggerating! haha).
Anyway, we just trekked in a circle because we didn't really know what to do. The spontaneity made the sweat and manure all worth it because I'm not really the outdoors-y adventurous type. And it was exhilarating because I don't get to do that with friends everyday. And.... I think I'll make a photo story of the trip instead of a lengthy post.
I wanted to post this to show some photos I took, and I'm not saying they're good. Actually there are a long of things wrong with my photos but since it's nice to show off the mistakes you make along the way...here it goes!
These shots were taken on our way home. We decided to stop by Caragasan to take pictures of, well, ourselves and the sunset...
...when Kids living nearby approached us and started showing off, since they saw me with a camera. I really really really have to work on composition and framing. And maybe I could experiment with angles more.
I'm a fan of jump shots and the kid's acrobatic skills are something I could never do in this lifetime. 0_0........anyway, back to the photo! Well, first off, maybe it's not a good idea to take photos in black and white. I could do that in the editing process later. I not a fan of the composition since the subjects aren't really the focus and there's too much going on in the background. And the angle I took the shot from doesn't help the photo.
Well I do have some nice pics I'll probably share tomorrow. This isn't really a photography FAIL since I know there's still a lot to learn. Whether or not I'll produce an epic shot one of these days, I'm still keeping my hands glued to my camera. Which I love. to death.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Moving on with Toy Story
I promised myself I would watch Toy Story 3 after the midterms and right now my nose is still dripping from the tears. Yeah, I'm a softy, and the reviews were right when they said it could make a grown man cry.
Anyway, I'm not going to give too much away for those who haven't watched it yet. Wait, how many people follow this blog anyway?? Whatever! haha
It's been years since the last Toy Story movie, and what better way to emphasize a time lapse than to set the scene years later when Andy (the toy's owner) is 17 and college-bound. True to form, the happy times with the toys are long gone as Andy, well, grew up and what's left of the band of toys was stashed away in a chest. Play time's a thing of the past. Things take an unexpected turn when Andy decides to only take Woody with him to college, and the rest of the gang are put in a trash bag and attic-bound.
Long story short, they didn't go to the attic and they landed in a daycare center run by an evil strawberry scented plush toy, then they escaped and almost got incinerated at the local dump site, then they made their way to Andy once again. They (except for Woody) thought that Andy didn't want them and thanks to Mrs. Potato head's other eye, they were able to know the truth. I wonder if you even understood what i wrote..haha
But the real tear-jerker was during the last 20 minutes of the movie...when the toys, except for Woody, were about to be brought to the attic. The goodbyes and "last wills" of the toys were bittersweet. Especially when Rex (the dinosaur) told Woody to "take care of Andy, he's a nice kid".
But lo and behold, Woody intervened by writing on a sticky note (who knew he could write? haha. the point is I think he wanted Andy to donate them) and now we see Andy on the road and stopping by a family friend's house to give the toys to a little girl named Bonnie. He gave them one by one and was surprised to see Woody at the bottom of the box. It was a tense moment when Andy was torn between giving him away and taking him to college. Finally, Andy decided to give Woody away as well, probably knowing that he's in good hands, and it was time to part ways. It was a pretty heavy moment (for me that is. haha) because of the whole mood of finality. Goodbyes always make me sad and I couldn't help but cry at the thought of Andy and the toys parting ways and moving on. But the chapters keep on coming, so at the end of one chapter is always the beginning of a next one for the toys' story.
Well, the movie actually puts things in perspective: toys are way way way better off in the hands of somebody who wants them not as dust collectors but for them to be played. And when they've fulfilled their purpose and they've been outgrown, then it's time for them to move on as well.
Too bad it's too late for my toys, but probably when I have kids of my own, I'll make them watch the movie. I just hope they'll understand it though. haha
Two thumbs up for Pixar and Disney!
Anyway, I'm not going to give too much away for those who haven't watched it yet. Wait, how many people follow this blog anyway?? Whatever! haha
It's been years since the last Toy Story movie, and what better way to emphasize a time lapse than to set the scene years later when Andy (the toy's owner) is 17 and college-bound. True to form, the happy times with the toys are long gone as Andy, well, grew up and what's left of the band of toys was stashed away in a chest. Play time's a thing of the past. Things take an unexpected turn when Andy decides to only take Woody with him to college, and the rest of the gang are put in a trash bag and attic-bound.
Long story short, they didn't go to the attic and they landed in a daycare center run by an evil strawberry scented plush toy, then they escaped and almost got incinerated at the local dump site, then they made their way to Andy once again. They (except for Woody) thought that Andy didn't want them and thanks to Mrs. Potato head's other eye, they were able to know the truth. I wonder if you even understood what i wrote..haha
But the real tear-jerker was during the last 20 minutes of the movie...when the toys, except for Woody, were about to be brought to the attic. The goodbyes and "last wills" of the toys were bittersweet. Especially when Rex (the dinosaur) told Woody to "take care of Andy, he's a nice kid".
But lo and behold, Woody intervened by writing on a sticky note (who knew he could write? haha. the point is I think he wanted Andy to donate them) and now we see Andy on the road and stopping by a family friend's house to give the toys to a little girl named Bonnie. He gave them one by one and was surprised to see Woody at the bottom of the box. It was a tense moment when Andy was torn between giving him away and taking him to college. Finally, Andy decided to give Woody away as well, probably knowing that he's in good hands, and it was time to part ways. It was a pretty heavy moment (for me that is. haha) because of the whole mood of finality. Goodbyes always make me sad and I couldn't help but cry at the thought of Andy and the toys parting ways and moving on. But the chapters keep on coming, so at the end of one chapter is always the beginning of a next one for the toys' story.
Well, the movie actually puts things in perspective: toys are way way way better off in the hands of somebody who wants them not as dust collectors but for them to be played. And when they've fulfilled their purpose and they've been outgrown, then it's time for them to move on as well.
Too bad it's too late for my toys, but probably when I have kids of my own, I'll make them watch the movie. I just hope they'll understand it though. haha
Two thumbs up for Pixar and Disney!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Color it friday
I've been away from the confines of my blog for a while now, and I think this is probably the best time I could blog again because: 1. my midterms are over and 2. i have more pictures worth posting!
On the midterms:
Well, you win some you lose some. I think I did well in some subjects but I'm not sure I could say the same for some, especially Nursing Care Management and Philosophy. Thank God the grade I would get for NCM would be a cumulative grade from three areas (Community health, Psychiatric and Med-Surg Intensive). So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed, since MS Intensive is one big bitch that refuses to die. As for Philosophy, we haven't really gotten along well in the past few weeks. I'm not even sure why I keep on missing the mark. I haven't really warmed up to bioethics since it almost always boils down to me underanalyzing the situation. In a cosmic sort of way it sounds funny that in an essay I made before the midterms, I decided to kill the baby and I was wrong, and during the midterms I said that the baby must be saved and I was still wrong. The cases were different though and I'm just saying it's amusing to think that Utulitarianism is EVUULLL.
Anyway, now that the exams are over with I could focus on more pressing matters like SLEEP, SLEEP and more SLEEP. This morning I brought my camera to school so we could at least have some fun after the carnage.
But I only took a few shots since the boy scout in me didn't charge battery # 1, and the genius in me brought battery # 2 without even bothering to check if it still had any juice left.
It's pretty obvious what the color of the day was.
Oh, and I kind of arrived at the realization that Face Detection actually serves a purpose (cue fake audience laugh). You see, it was a pet-peeve for me to see some blurry faces (with some focused faces) in the group shots that I took before. But I realized that I just had the wrong setting, in the same way I never realized I could actually use macro to shoot stuff like food. I fail.
Oh, I've been meaning to post this for a while now but I keep on forgetting...
This is the structure that would become our home in the next couple of months or so. It's not much but it's home. And i'm pretty stoked about moving! (well, this one's just beside our current house but still!)
On the midterms:
Well, you win some you lose some. I think I did well in some subjects but I'm not sure I could say the same for some, especially Nursing Care Management and Philosophy. Thank God the grade I would get for NCM would be a cumulative grade from three areas (Community health, Psychiatric and Med-Surg Intensive). So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed, since MS Intensive is one big bitch that refuses to die. As for Philosophy, we haven't really gotten along well in the past few weeks. I'm not even sure why I keep on missing the mark. I haven't really warmed up to bioethics since it almost always boils down to me underanalyzing the situation. In a cosmic sort of way it sounds funny that in an essay I made before the midterms, I decided to kill the baby and I was wrong, and during the midterms I said that the baby must be saved and I was still wrong. The cases were different though and I'm just saying it's amusing to think that Utulitarianism is EVUULLL.
Anyway, now that the exams are over with I could focus on more pressing matters like SLEEP, SLEEP and more SLEEP. This morning I brought my camera to school so we could at least have some fun after the carnage.
But I only took a few shots since the boy scout in me didn't charge battery # 1, and the genius in me brought battery # 2 without even bothering to check if it still had any juice left.
It's pretty obvious what the color of the day was.
Oh, and I kind of arrived at the realization that Face Detection actually serves a purpose (cue fake audience laugh). You see, it was a pet-peeve for me to see some blurry faces (with some focused faces) in the group shots that I took before. But I realized that I just had the wrong setting, in the same way I never realized I could actually use macro to shoot stuff like food. I fail.
Oh, I've been meaning to post this for a while now but I keep on forgetting...
This is the structure that would become our home in the next couple of months or so. It's not much but it's home. And i'm pretty stoked about moving! (well, this one's just beside our current house but still!)
Monday, August 09, 2010
'fierce' tripod
Me and my camera are a work in progress. Now that I'm actually holding a piece of what is remotely related to a dslr, i'm trying to figure out how to make it work like I want it to. In short, this is a disclaimer to the world that I'm definitely a noob. And I need classes! haha. Since I couldn't afford a model, I tried to make my gorillapod look fierce.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Diversion
I forgot that blogging in the middle of cramming for an examination used to be my past time. :)
So I had to type just so I could stay awake. This is my diversionary activity. One way of relaxing my mind and pacing myself so I won't fall asleep. It's not as if bronchiectasis and asthma are the most interesting topics in the entire world. Which leads me to my problem right now --- I found it hard to focus on studying lately. I know, willpower is the best medicine for this but right now I'm drained. and I'm forcing myself to study because I have a major exam this Saturday, consisting of three topics that I took up in my third year....but devoted an entire semester to learn it. Now, I have around two days. The idea of that freaks me out, and strangely enough excites me. But it doesn't excite me enough to make studying any better.
Believe me when I say I would rather tweet and open my facebook that study right now. And because I'm so sleepy (but can't sleep), I just had to blog right now. I'm losing my focus. God help me. I'm going to self-destruct before I even get the chance to do so during my Saturday exam!
Oh, and this is a picture of my mom and my two cousins blowing the candle off my mom's birthday cake. I need/want to shoot and experiment with my camera like there's no tomorrow but I really don't have the energy for that right now. Too bad though, my free time's almost always devoted to sleep!
So I had to type just so I could stay awake. This is my diversionary activity. One way of relaxing my mind and pacing myself so I won't fall asleep. It's not as if bronchiectasis and asthma are the most interesting topics in the entire world. Which leads me to my problem right now --- I found it hard to focus on studying lately. I know, willpower is the best medicine for this but right now I'm drained. and I'm forcing myself to study because I have a major exam this Saturday, consisting of three topics that I took up in my third year....but devoted an entire semester to learn it. Now, I have around two days. The idea of that freaks me out, and strangely enough excites me. But it doesn't excite me enough to make studying any better.
Believe me when I say I would rather tweet and open my facebook that study right now. And because I'm so sleepy (but can't sleep), I just had to blog right now. I'm losing my focus. God help me. I'm going to self-destruct before I even get the chance to do so during my Saturday exam!
Oh, and this is a picture of my mom and my two cousins blowing the candle off my mom's birthday cake. I need/want to shoot and experiment with my camera like there's no tomorrow but I really don't have the energy for that right now. Too bad though, my free time's almost always devoted to sleep!
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