the things that go hop-hop inside my head

it seems to be a poisonous habit of mine to use my remaining hours of study to blog. i've just been thinking about a lot of things.

one, jo rowling's epilogue left a lot of gaping holes. thank god mugglenet recently made it public that she might be writing an encyclopedia of sorts to dive deeper into what happened to the remaining slew of characters. pero, it really didn't hamper me from making my own epilogue!! haha. i really can't believe the Harry series has ended. i could still remember those fateful gradeschool days when i was first struck by the pottermania. and here i am, again, slowly tracing my steps back in time, rereading the Sorcerers stone, and going forward from there.

next, admu, and the things that should have been, but never had. i miss my friends. i actually couldn't concentrate for a few days because i was, for lack of better words, overcome with so much anger and grief that i really considered stopping, or maybe shifting. but, i really have no idea how, but i kind of reconciled with the idea. not that i've totally converted..don't get it twisted... i would gladly pack my bags and go to manila and leave nursing behind. let's just day, i've learned to cope and deal with it. so, right now, i really don't want to hear people tell me, 'why don't you shift?', 'you're not happy', 'it was a wrong move' etc...for heaven's sake, all of them are right!!!.....but i don't need to be reminded of that.

then there's this thing called, 'my life'. so adzu's the backdrop of the seemingly monotonous days of study, and as usual, i have a few extras on hand right now. but the thing is, i'm not sure if made the right choice. there's this one club that i'm part of, but the more i think about it, the more i want to quit. it's like, i've lost my focus. it seems as if i really don't have time for myself. it kind of pisses me off actually, but it's the hypocrite in me that's saying that. i have time to spare for rest, by all means, but, i kind of want to have more than that. sometimes i just wish that i could jsut disappear and leave all my responsibilities behind. fly away or something, basta, minsan, i'm craving for a life i never had. like, a silent life, where no one expects a lot from you, where you don't shine at class (not that i'm shining that much, but it's not as if i'm bobo), where you can just blend in into the background. maybe i really couldn't have that life because, i have to do something productive. so, all i'm asking for here is for me to release 'excess baggage', so i could at least balance the bum and the *insert the opposite here*.

but most of all, i miss my friends. wait, i already said that. but what the heck, they're the only ones who could understand me...because unlike the bans that i'm being forced to socialize with here, my friends make sense.

so, i think that's all for now. gotta study. god, i want a hug right now.