?

Even if I wanna sleep right now, even if my eyes are red and tired from yesterday's activities (two outings and an overnight), there's one thing that has been keeping me up for hours on end. Well, not really, but you get the point.

I'm pretty excited, anxious, scared of the things to come. By that, I don't just mean, OR, senior year and graduation. I'm talking about the years to come. I'm anxious because I don't want to be the guy who doesn't know what will happen to him in the next 10 years of his life. And what's weird is that, I'm anxious, scared and all the things in between, because I do have plenty of things I want to do, but I'm not sure how to do it.

I'm afraid that all the daydreams are just that - dreams. I want to be a chef and a photographer. Part of me wants to be an Oncologist - surgeon and part of me (though not that strongly), wants to get rich quick thus, a Nurse anesthetist would be a good choice.

I read somewhere that working with passion and love for your job is the priority in life - because whether we like it or not, we must find meaning in the things we do. The money and prestige is only secondary. Now given that fact and given my predetermined dream careers, I don't know what to choose.

The automatic choice would be Med school, because I want to be a doctor and save lives. BUT I have to say that I'm pretty tired of studying (haha) and the thought of devoting eight-ish years of more studying makes me more tired. Maybe this is a sign that I really am not passionate about med school and it's a lucrative career option, but I still have to really really weigh the pros and cons.

Now if I were to choose something that makes me happy, then maybe the arts would be my thing. I love food and I enjoy being in a kitchen. I could go on and on about spending my days cooking delicious food. Now, I actually thought of being a food blogger or writing about for a prominent paper if I were to pursue this.

The same principle applies to photography. I just love taking pictures and though I haven't been behind the lens for a long time, the desire is still there. BUT I really don't know how I'm going to pursue this because I don't think my parents would support me. I have a feeling that I'm on my own with this one.

Now a practical (like I haven't heard this word before) option would be be a nurse, go abroad, earn, and then pursue your other passions. I'm not going to argue about how reasonable that sounds BUT I'm not too keen on really practicing Nursing in the future, or any time soon.

I actually like how level-minded and rational I can be. Yes, I believe I'm rational when it comes to these things. On a good note, I know I can think things through good enough BUT it could potentially cage me in a cycle of uncertainty. The latter probably defies my principle of living life unchained, but sad to say, I have yet to feel that principle.

I don't know how to end this post. Am I soliciting advice? Am I venting deep-seated feelings? Or am I just proving to myself how confused I am?

Let's just leave it like that.